Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
