You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
