he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
