bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
