whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
