I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize