He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
