Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize