You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
