I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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