Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
