Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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