when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
