you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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