i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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