If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
operation harelip BJ is a go
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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