She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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