I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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