She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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