i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
