I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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