Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize