Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
