New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
