i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
