We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
