So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
