he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
