I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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