This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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