I skipped work to stalk him.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
