The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
