we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
