if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
