I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
