Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize