We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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