apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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