The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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