Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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