If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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