I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
