Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
