even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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