Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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