my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
