worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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