She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
