I love black thongs
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
