I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize