I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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