TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
