maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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