I think I died a long time ago.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So many bounce houses so little time
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
