im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
