I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
