Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
