my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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