It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
