so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
