Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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