Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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