DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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