He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
