true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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