WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
