I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
