I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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