I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize