i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
