I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
