ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
