Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
