tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
