Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
