just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My liver just had a heart attack.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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