well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize