Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
