My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
