you would pick up someone in the library
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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