Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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