So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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