So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
