Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
