hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize