I heard we made out
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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