Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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