On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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