in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Still dying that you shit outside
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize