i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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