i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I yelled at your uterus for you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
