Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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