why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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