She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
