He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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