never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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