Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
