Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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