Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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