He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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