i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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