There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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