I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
