I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
