What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize