what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
