who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
