There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize