this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
