We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
and you fell through a lawn chair
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize