I have demons in me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
