Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize