I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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