That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize