when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
