never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
