Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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