respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
